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Provenance of Upper Jurassic syn-rift strata in the Terra Nova oil field, Jeanne d’Arc basin, offshore Newfoundland: a new detrital zircon U-Pb-Hf reference frame for producing reservoir sandstone units along the Atlantic Canadian margin.Miocene to recent evolution of the Cilicia Basin with emphasis on the Pliocene-Quaternary sedimentary relationship between the Goksu river and the Cilicia Basin: a quantitative study of volumetrics, subsidence in the Cilicia Basin and concomitant uplif.

The Miocene to recent tectonic evolution of an active transform fault at the junction of Hellenic and Cyrpus arcs, Eastern Mediterranean: the linkage between the western Antalya Basin, Finike Basin and Anaximander Mountains.

Geology and genesis of uranium mineralization in subaerial felsic volcanic rocks of the Byers Brook formation and the comagatic [sic] Hart Lake Granite, Wentworth area, Cobequid Highlands, Nova Scotia.

More than beloved stalwarts like Blue Rodeo, Ron Sexsmith, Neil Young and Matthew Good.

More than even critically hailed upstarts K’Naan, Massari, Bedouin Soundclash and Elliott Brood.

(The winners, save the Juno Fan Choice—voted on by you, the Doritos eater!

—are chosen by members of the Canadian Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, AKA CARAS.) New Artist and Group of the Year nominees are decided via a combo of sales stats and panel voting. The Billboard Awards, for instance, are dictated purely by sales.

But back to our original point—it means that in the rush of your last-minute holiday shopping you could’ve pulled the cool Mom or mentor brother and bought someone Live it Out but then you looked to the right and thought how nice Diana Krall would sound in the background while you were At Home On Sunday, and well, here we fucking are. We’ve heard lots of grumbling about that, but when you break it down it really comes down to us.

It means you spent money voting for Canadian Idol and buying All the Right Reasons because you couldn’t get enough of the delicate imagery of “Animals” instead of going to see Bedouin Soundclash at the Marquee or locking yourself in a room with Sarah Harmer’s I’m a Mountain, the best album to come out of this country in 2005, one week before the November 15 Juno nomination deadline, by the way. Yes, dear reader, much of this is your fault (and ours, because you know we love our Kelly Clarkson).

The winners know who they are as soon as they’re invited to the show.

Compiling the nominees like this is a way of ensuring that the millions of people who bought the most popular records of the year will turn into millions of people watching the Juno Awards show on April 2—if that doesn’t work, there’s always the biggest British band in the world headlining Canada’s musical Oscars to draw in the Nickelback haters.

We don’t understand exactly how this particular event has become Bizarro Junos—love or hate them, Coldplay (waning love) and Black Eyed Peas (hate hate hate) are two of the biggest bands in the world, and Pamela Anderson, who we’re sure has a CTV affiliation in her past, is one of the most famous women in the world and certainly one of our best-known exports. Don’t like how this whole clusterfuck has turned out? Stop letting top 40 radio dictate your record collection.

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